How the Fair Grappler Fed the Fishes

T
he master winks like I'm a hot co-ed
in a haiku swimsuit, but I'm just an ignoramus
wine boy at Trimalchio's feast
preparing for the lunch bell. That's when
the guests will cry for more
Greco-Roman olive oil and I'll try
my legal death grips!

This is the part where the fugitive
gains passage on a spice boat
and nearly makes it to Macedonia,
but the Captain's drunk
and sails into some rocks.
The boat sinks. Everyone dies.

That about covers it.

v  ^              
 
 


Lurid Tsunami

W
hen Tina said she enjoyed books
about hitler I couldn't believe my luck
and imagined how cool it'd be

to steer the car
straight into Narragansett Bay
for a showdown with the bottom feeders,

but her wise cracks
always leave me spineless and yes,
we were undressing.

I must confess
how happily misinformed
life has been

since the last
book burning party
at her place.
v  ^              
 
 


I'll Never Stop Smoking

M
y cure for aging
is never to have been born.
Now that we cleared that up
I'm confused by the founders.
They lived for hundreds of years,
but never seemed happy.

For weeks there was nothing
until November 9 arrived with her letter.
This made me glow down a path so dark
and narrow I swore her shriveled hand
had already waved goodbye from the window.

The year might be 2832.
Mutant nematode worms aged with us
only slower, so the Geron corporation has
an engineer out rewinding our biological
clocks. How. I have no idea.
Help me.
v  ^              
 
 




Inhibited Wrecks

T
wo large squirrels dashed across the snow
Dan paced the living room naked
Missy said they were small deer
then we all got naked
Toby wore the goat mask
while Jan introduced her dildo
to Lillith who never heard of such a goddess.

Lisa's piercings were a dividing line
the pizza guy tried to jump
so Bobby bull rushed him back into the ice storm
where he turned into a raven
and crashed into a tree
at neighbor Mildred's house
who sometimes vacuumed in the nude.


v   ^              
 
  Wendy and Tina knocked over a bowl of beer nuts
while tag teaming Frank whose big toe
squished the remote and sent 2001: a Space Odyssey
reeling forward which helped the evening
feel less encumbered, so Mick
chucked the computer into the toilet
then puked on top of it.

Juan quipped, it's an existential nee dada
critique on the global village
so he was sacrificed while Lyra screamed,
we're almost out of Vodka!
And Brian flew into a rage
because he was wearing a Wonder Bra
that did nothing for his cleavage.

Wendy asked what the hell I was doing here
so I mounted the table
and sang of condom covered beaches
in a harmonious fever of Amyl-Nitrate
she suggested I had no idea
what aspersion meant
and dammit, I started blushing.
^   >